The only thing for certain is time. I can pepper other things on that list, but ultimately time is the constant river that runs under a mothers heart. A year ago today we'd just moved, were expecting our second baby, and preparing our first for a montage of changes; some of which we are still working on. Often I would wonder where I'd be now. I wondered when I'd get out of the woods and into something easier, where I wouldn't constantly feel worried over the 'what if's' for our future as a family of four. Mostly, I worried about my first childs transition through it all. I think in this instance we all do. We'd moved our two year old to a new house, he started some light preschool, potty training, put him in a big boy bed, and our baby was on it's way. I constantly questioned my decisions as I watched him struggle with all this newness at once. I felt horrible for doing this to him and tried to ease these transitions with loads of attention, more activities, more fun, more love, more, more more...
Hindsight is sometimes the only remedy for this guilt. A year later and I want to hug that fretful mommy with her growing belly. Life was happening, and in it blossomed so many incredible blessing. I think sometimes as damage control focused we moms can be, we miss the bigger picture. Henry did those things, he did them as well as he could and with an enormous smile on his ever loving face. All the momentum was sending me down an unnecessary rabbit hole. I know this because once Ben arrived and we had something to really worry about with our baby's health, I was divinely reminded that you just can't plan life. You can try, and we always will, but life happens for us, not to us. Our days are gifts, and they come when and how they are meant to. We can pick out his preschool, but only he will show us where he belongs. We can make his bed oh so cozy, but only he can choose to stay in it. We can make an ideal schedule for him but only he can decided to follow it. I will show him my version of life for him, but he will show me his.
I'm writing this because this last week has been hard, and I see a glimmer of some of those old ghosts hanging around this house. I need reminding. I need to celebrate our journey, our love and each of our individuality. To do so I turned to these photos, taken exactly one year ago today by two of our favorite people. I love them for many reasons, but mostly because our friends captured, per usual, our story so honestly. And while we were all chasing our tails, they saw such beauty. Forever grateful for these images of this particular time in our lives, and for friendships that celebrate with you, always. Thank you Paul and Leanne. Hope to return the favor someday.