Golden Memories

Today is special. Today is golden...

Today I want to remember things that might hurt, to embrace a part of my life that used to feel damaged or broken. Today I want to be thankful for blessings that took me 31 years to see. 

A week ago I was in the middle of a deeply personal conversation with one of the dear sages in my life. We were discussing death, and how one moves in it, grows from it, and above all - celebrates the life within it. In our own ways, death defines us. A little or a lot, and each in our own way. 

Nothing has shown me more about life and myself, than my sister's passing. Those of you who know me well, know this part of me. I don't wear it like a stain or a tear...rather, I try to celebrate it. For she was a treasure to celebrate. I couldn't always do this. Getting here was hard, something I still work at. But I never doubted this was where I needed to be. Not just for me or my family, but for her. What good can come from a life lived only to have it's passing eternally morned? I preach, I know...but this is something that has caused me so much time and energy. And it's never 'easy.' The work is never done. But there is a beauty to it and a grace that is freeing in ways I can only begin to know. Although it's hard, I know I must let go of the pain I feel from her death and hold on to the joy I feel from remembering her life.  In this way, I feel closer to her. In honoring her life, I am able to live with her still.

I share all of this today, because today is not only a day of mass memorial, but today would have been her golden birthday - 30 on the 30th. Given the wonderful changes in my life, I find myself in reverence of her memory, and the love that I've managed to find there. It's humbling and peaceful, despite the recurring swells of pain and grief. I used to feel like this day was a day of sadness, that I should mourn her with my tears the pain of my loss...but it took a good friend remembering her with love and the purchase of some lilacs years ago to end that cycle. Instead, today is now for me a day of celebration and joy. And to feel this is to still love her. To know her. To say, SHE WAS HERE AND I'M SO THANKFUL FOR THAT! 

I try to buy a plant each year or sit outside in silence in quiet happy conversation with her in my mind. This is the way to remember. This is the way to hold memorial. Through love and celebration of life.

To Brooke on her 30th,

Thank you for the love and joy you brought into my life. Thank you for the knowledge and compassion I have learned from your absence. You were silly and stubborn in your life with us and I will try to be silly and stubborn in how I remember you.

Missing you always,

Xo

Lyndsey

Me (age 5), Brooke (age 4), Mom and little Abbey ( age 1 1/2)

Brooke(2) and Me (3) and the bug.

Thank you for giving my rant an audience. I hope I've not offended anyone. This is just my personal take on the process of grieving and celebrating life...a deeply personal journey. My message, I hope, is that no matter how long your journey takes, you aim for and end up in a place of love and celebration. 

Xx

L

Happy 3rd Birthday Nicholas!

My sweet Nicholas,

    This birthday is a special one. All who know and love you are so thankful to have you here, doing as well as you are, and filling our lives with so much love and happiness. I can't wait to see you in just a few short weeks...I still can't believe how fast these three years have flown by. You are my hero darling boy and I love you with everything I got!

   Happy Birthday! 

To read more about Nicholas, his family and his battle with SMA, check out their family blog!

http://familywithgusto.blogspot.com/

Keith and Lynds have a plus one!

This January I was tired, realllly tired. But who isn't? January marks the organizing of a new year, the coming down from the holidays, and for me, a big breath of air after a busy work season. But there was something more to this fatigue; we soon discovered I wasn't only making room for 2011, but our first child. 

Time stood still that day. We made breakfast with dumb grins slapped across our faces, watched each other with new wonder and love, and mostly, attempted to wrap our heads around the world we just fell into.

Keith and Lyndsey are having a baby.

My first trimester was no walk in the park. I had these mother earth kind of expectations...funny, how in the WORLD could I assume to know what all this might be like!? 

I was nauseous all the time, I slept like a bear, and when possible lived in my tub with oranges to snack on and books to read. I cried a lot too...mostly happy tears sprung from random TV commercials, music on the radio, or when I'd get off the phone with friends and family I miss terribly. Please don't get me wrong...under it all was a wash of excitement and a happiness that I could conceivably drown in. But again, I was not expecting the roll tide of emotions that marked this glorious step in our lives.

 I watched my tummy in the mirror like a hawk, waiting for some indication that someone was making a nice cozy home in there...but nothing. 

Then one morning I woke up and didn't need to put my head in the toilet. In fact, I felt like I could run around the block a few times!! I padded to the bathroom and BAM, there it was: baby Yeomans was starting to show. What a blessing week 13 was.

We are now at 16 weeks, and what everyone says is true: the second trimester is heaven. I can eat, work out, have a social life again, and enjoy the new found vigor Keith and I share in renovating every inch of our four walls. We are almost half way there and that much closer to meeting our little babe...wow, life really is amazing.

To be continued...

XoXo,

L

* Also, a very BIG thank you to all of my clients who patiently rode the sick wave with me : ) You are all the absolute best, and I can't thank you enough!

Polaroid, projects, and peas...

For the holidays my grandmother gifted me a book that I "inhaled" as 

she inscribed I would...

A Homemade Life

by Molly Wizenberg

A charming memoir about a girl, food, family and  how she made all

of them work for her as a J-O-B. In the book she starts by sharing

where the tale takes professional root:

http://orangette.blogspot.com/

A food blog full of hearthy warmth, stories from her family's kitchen and her growth along the way. I was looking at her blog the other day, and was pleased to see some stunning food photography...on POLAROIDS! 

I'm in a bit of a Polaroid kick these days, having just designed a polaroid save the date for my dear friends Brian and Ashley myself, 

I felt inspired to take on my own polaroid love.

For 2011's photo project, I have decided to create a collection of

polaroids as the months go by. Super simple, no real big meaning

lying around anywhere...just life as it is. I feel like we never really know what the big meanings are till time gifts us 

perspective to see it anyhow...so here we are:

January 2011

*Burbank hills, CA

This will be my homage to keeping it simple this year. Being present 

is the new multi-tasking ; )

“A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”
- Maya Angelou

Cheers to keeping it real, polaroids, and of course,

Ms. Angelou.

Xo

L